


duties of a vassal

by The_IPRE



Category: Archive 81 (Podcast)
Genre: Hair Brushing, just guys being dudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25423360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_IPRE/pseuds/The_IPRE
Summary: With every moment that they spent together, Static Man became more certain that if they had met in any other situation, they would not have known each other beyond a greeting. Arthur would have fucked off from their group project, Nicholas would have taken it all upon himself and held a lifelong grudge, and their lives would have diverged completely from that point.If forced to confront his feelings for once, Static Man probably would have admitted that he was glad that hadn’t happened.Luckily for him, nobody could make him process an emotion, not even himself, so he locked that shit down and just pulled out another stick from Nicholas’ hair.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	duties of a vassal

**Author's Note:**

> Wasn't sure about whether to tag this with statnick or not because it falls into that same vaguely homoerotic friendship they've got going on in canon. Know this leans romantic they're just both repressed as fuck

Static Man would be the first to admit that, hey, maybe he had a problem with touching things. Look, though, when you were a dude made of static and teeth, hardly any physical presence, separated from the human world that he once used to inhabit, blah blah blah, it was nice to be reminded that he was real. 

Maybe that led to him touching things that shouldn’t be touched, such as jukeboxes in extradimensional diners, but hey. He couldn’t be faulted for the consequences of his actions.

Being back in the real world, nothing much had changed, still bodyless but not quite friendless. Even though Morgan and Nicholas both had sticks up their asses about calling people _friends_ , they both made sure to always keep a recorder on, which was good enough for him.

Still hovering through the world like he was covered in mittens, too, touching things even when it was inadvisable just to feel like he still existed in the world.

Honestly, all of the vibes that Nicholas gave off stated that it was inadvisable to make contact with him, radiating off of him in a neat Times New Roman. Sitting at his desk with his head bowed, because he was the kind of person who actually separated out his work and sleep spaces like some kind of maniac, unmoving except for the scanning of his eyes and intermittent turning of pages, the lines of his posture still somehow managed to get across that he was not to be fucked with.

Of course, the fact that he looked like he’d been through a tornado and gotten spit out the other side wasn’t exactly helping his cause. 

Even as he was perfectly focused on his journal, one filled with meticulous catalogues of rituals because he was a pedantic bastard who actually took notes, Nicholas had no less than four discrete sticks sticking out of his hair at a number of angles. Static Man could almost remember a time that it would have looked endearing rather than ominous. 

He wasn’t quite sure when Nicholas had managed to flip the switch; probably had something to do with how his qualms about what magic entailed were firmly thrown out of the window sometime after his father had tried to eat his heart. 

Come to think of it, that might have had an affect.

Approaching, Static Man plucked one of the twigs out and fed it to a set of his not-arm’s teeth, but the shredding noise didn’t seem to pull Nicholas’ attention away from where it was locked onto the journal. Absolutely baffling that he was able to concentrate, just, as a thing, but he also was probably the type of guy to actually _study_ for tests, so. Whack.

With every moment that they spent together, Static Man became more certain that if they had met in any other situation, they would not have known each other beyond a greeting. Arthur would have fucked off from their group project, Nicholas would have taken it all upon himself and held a lifelong grudge, and their lives would have diverged completely from that point.

If forced to confront his feelings for once, Static Man probably would have admitted that he was glad that hadn’t happened.

Luckily for him, nobody could make him process an emotion, not even himself, so he locked that shit down and just pulled out another stick from Nicholas’ hair.

He could feel that there was something between the projections of static where he would have once had fingers, he could sense that there were a few leaves sticking out of it even if he couldn’t necessarily _see_ it – thanks again, Payphone, for giving him teeth and static and no sensory organs whatsoever – but there wasn’t any definition to any of it. No texture of the bark, no fragility of the twig, just a thing where hands should have been.

Static Man fed it to a different set of teeth.

The good thing about having so many teeth – besides how cool it made him look, of course – was that not all of them led to what wasn’t his stomach. He didn’t really have to worry about his diet as it was, otherwise all of the Popeyes he ate would have been _much_ more worrying, but it was nice to know that he could be a woodchipper without having to worry about the nutritional side effects. 

At this point, Nicholas still hadn’t noticed the staticked presence behind him, and Static Man could imagine the look of concentration on his face. Premature wrinkles, a furrow between his eyebrows, jaw set and lips pursed.

Look, even if he couldn’t see, a guy learned a lot about the dude that he was a vassal for over the course of three years. Just how things worked.

Static Man might have wondered what it would be like to actually _see_ Nick’s face, to be a real boy again or whatever and actually have eyes. To know if all of the imagined tics that he had collected over the years actually lined up to the real thing.

One thing that he did know in the present moment, though, was that Nicholas’ hair had definitely grown out. Static Man didn’t know the last time that he had gotten a haircut, and as he brushed his not-quite-fingers through it, he was pretty sure that it had reached the length that could charitably be called shaggy. 

Then, Nicholas stiffened, shoulders hunching but head freezing. “Uh, Static Man. Might I ask what you’re doing?”

“Chill, dude, you’ve just got a bunch of leaves and shit in your hair from the park ritual. Vassal-ly duties and whatever to help sort you out.” If Static Man had been back in his own skin he probably would have been holding his breath. Luckily for his constant pursuit to ignore facing his feelings, he didn’t have any physical tells like that, so he just pulled out another leaf and dropped it in front of Nicholas.

He brushed it off of the journal where it landed, cracked his neck to release a truly abominable series of _pops_ , and looked back down. “Well. Thank you then.”

“It is absolutely no problem, dude, can’t let you go around looking like a mess.” By this point, most of the debris was already gone, but Static Man let himself continue brushing through it. Look, maybe he had been looking for an excuse to be close to Nick and feel like he was alive again. What of it.

Besides, Nicholas was starting to relax as Static Man ran his nebulous fingers through his hair, and there were enough tangles to warrant it. “Besides, Morgan would laugh if she saw you looking like this. Can’t have that.”

“Well, if Morgan chooses to laugh at me, I don’t believe that there is anything that either of us could do to stop it.” Even though he was ostensibly still doing research, determined nerd that he was, Static Man would have put money on Nicholas’ eyes being closed. 

Hell yeah. It felt good to be someone who Nicholas could let down his barriers around, especially with how Static Man wasn’t exactly somebody who put most people at ease.

“That is _very_ true. Honestly, can’t say that I wouldn’t join in. Your whole hair situation was a very easy target.” The feeling of Nicholas’ hair against his static was weirdly comforting, not quite there but still enough of a project to use as an excuse about why he was still doing it, now that all of the leaves and twigs had been removed. 

Nicholas let out a hum, and Static Man could feel the vibrations thrum through the air. “I do not know enough to disprove you on that, so I suppose I’ll just have to take your word on it.”

“Totally. You should really listen to me more often.” A cluster of teeth floated towards his hands and brushed against Nicholas’ scalp, not sharp enough to cut but present enough to be felt, and Nicholas actually leaned back in his chair for once, which felt like a win in and of itself. King of shitty posture, actually making contact with the back of a chair? Progress.

As Static Man pulled his hand away, the ballooning feeling of success got pin-pricked quite quickly. He bit back a laugh, feeling it rumble from where his chest should have been and out along his limbs, but Nicholas had known him for long enough that it didn’t go unnoticed.

“Static Man?”

“Mhm?”

“What’s- ah. Would you care to share what’s going on?”

Static Man couldn’t tell whether he should grimace or laugh. As he pulled his staticking hands out of Nicholas’ hair and watched the strands attempt to follow them, standing straight up, he fell solidly to the laughing side of the equation. 

“Okay, so, don’t kill me, but you know how static electricity and hair don’t super mix?”

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave a comment or kudos, or come talk to me on tumblr at [the-ipre](https://the-ipre.tumblr.com)!


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